Saturday, January 24, 2009


Three days into the new administration, President Obama held a news conference stating that he was sick and tired of being the President of the United States and that he would serve out his current term and then retire.

"I will be able to make more than $3,000,000 per speech on the speaker's circuit. Michelle has already signed a half-book deal with Simon & Schuster for over ten figures. If she goes ahead and writes the whole book, she makes thirty figures. Our daughters already have dolls who look just like them. We're working with Miley's people to do a movie, a book, and a television show. We'll be set for life," the President said.

When asked if he didn't think he was disappointing the American public that had worked so hard to elect him, he replied that he would be even more exposed and available to the public if he rejoined the private sector.

"We don't like living in the confines of the White House. It's a nice place and all, but it's really not a fitting environment in which to raise a dog. The dog can't poop freely on the White House lawn, and I was told we'd have to do Easter egg things on that lawn. We've tried and tried to remove the oldpeople-Bush-stink from the air, but no amount of Febreze has been working. There's only so much you can put up with."

Tourists passing in front of the White House were interviewed for this piece. Asked how they felt about the President's decision, they said, "Awesome! That's so great! That's interesting! Yeah..."


dannie said...

wow...i don't know what to say to that.

J.T. said...

Michelle is kicking mad that the doll company went ahead and started exploiting her daughters for profit without permission. The newscaster who did the story said the dollmaker was just being smart in taking advantage of a very popular president, and that anyone with half a brain would try to make money off Obama.

This presidency risks losing all decorum at this pace. Forget about Obama being the first black president. He may go down in history as the first Paparazzi President.

Rob said...

JT please do not disparage "The One". After his wonderful coronation ceremony we can all sit down and learn bask in his celebrity.
We will all learn the details about how wonderful he and his family are from such insightful weeklies such as Us and People.
As the Sun King we can all bask in his warmth through bleak economic times while we ignore how he'll continue becoming a "realist" (hey why not royalist?) and watering down or not delivering on all of his promises.

dannie said...

that's all people think about is money. pretty sad, hope things get better.

J.T. said...

Part of me feels like Obama is the right person in the wrong time. With his ideals, he deserves to be president during the 1960s. Instead, he has inherited a bankrupt nation, bankrupt banks, an America obsessed with Hollywood personalities.

I've heard black acquaintances already complaining that the only reason a black man got elected now was because white America needed a black man to blame after the next four years go down in flames. I disagree. History shows the 1920s, 1950s, 1980s as decades of expansion. That means 2010 looms as the next decade for promising growth. Barack may very well be sitting president during a time of rebirth. If that's the case, he really will be The One.

Rob said...

Let's hope things do work out for the better. That said, all of today's imbalances and issues did not suddenly occur during the G.W. Bush era.
America does need to come to value hard work over speculation and savings over reckless consumption.
Will it be easy to go from an affordable luxury ethos to a gentile poverty one? Of course not, but it is sorely needed to strengthen this nation.