Tuesday, March 10, 2009

180 + 180 = Right Back to Where I Started From

A day after Warren Buffett told the world that everything was going to be all right, I feel so comforted. I think that's something that I miss about having a partner--hearing someone tell me that everything will be all right. I don't know if I attribute it to loneliness or desperation--it can't be both!--but the two dates I went on last weekend weren't exactly filled with what Carrie Bradshaw once termed za za zu.

The first guy was last Friday. 5'9, 180, Asian. Face pic only. I should have known, but I dared to hope. I smiled my Botox smile--the one that freezes and doesn't know what to do with itself--when I saw: the most perfectly round, potroasted, pot belly. We had coffee, and covered our common interests over the course of twenty minutes. So... call me, he said. At the twenty-first minute.

The second guy was on Saturday. The one I went to see the movie with. In the pic he'd sent me I could tell he was about 180 as well. What I didn't realize until I met him in person was that he was only 5'5. J.T., meet Steroid Smurf. We walked into the movie theater and all the boys were staring at him. As we settled in to watch the unwatchable Watchmen, Steroid Smurf wasted no time in grabbing my hand and having hand sex with me. Painful hand sex. Steroid Smurf insisted on cracking all my knuckles. Bite down hard. But then. Squeeze my muscles. What? Squeeze. Uh, you want me to squeeze your bicep? And now my tricep. Oh. My. God. As if the movie weren't bad enough, now I was being forced to engage in this bad, bad, bad whispered-cringingly-in-the-dark dialog with a Saturday morning cartoon charater gone terribly wrong.

I want to meet someone reasonably cute/geeky. He should be height/weight proportionate. He should share my love for movies and bookstores and tennis and golf. Please Santa, I can't wait until Christmas.

20 comments:

Luuworld said...

oh dear. what dating disasters! been there, done that. i know how it feels. hang in there jt. *hug*
ps. at least the result was a funny blog post. :-p

Planetx_123 said...

I am a fan of cute and geeky too! I need to find where they lurk, and pick up one of them on my way home tomorrow after I go to the market.

Sorry you had such a terrible time!

Steve

Rob said...

Hmm ... Ok ... between your two dates and my weekend at work I'll pick my weekend at work. At least I got to be on the business trip to Madrid and have good food out of it!

J.T. said...

hmmmmm.... If I could find someone as cute as Luu, and as geeky as Steve, with the fabulous travel schedule of Rob.... I'D HAVE...
LUSTEVER! Wait a minute, that looks too similar to a word for Satan... hmmmmm...

Thanks Luu for laughing at my life, and Steve, for knowing what I want, and Rob, for amking me green with envy... (I no longer read your blog... the trip to Madrid was too much to bear :-) )

Luuworld said...

i'm laughing with you, j.t, not at you. there's a big difference there!

J.T. said...

I know Luu! I was just making fun of myself, that's all. You Scandinavians! Can't get a word by you!

Raven said...

Finally you spilled about the date, and it turns out actually there were two dates!!!

These stories remind me why I quit dating. I do wish you the best of luck in finding your cute/geeky guy, though. He must be out there somewhere just waiting for the right time.

dannie said...

aw sorry to hear about your dates thanks for entertaining me tho :] probably why i don't like dating much. i agree with the cute and geeky though, it's a nice mix to have. i dont think you need botox! stay away from the freezing juice.

J.T. said...

Raven and Dannie, don't let my stories veer you off the dating path. Someone here should find true love soon so I can enjoy it vicariously!

dannie said...

its not your stories that are veering me off. its my own experiences as well =P you'll find your cute geeky boy!!

Raven said...

No worries, I gave up dating due to my own experiences too. It just isn't worth the trouble. But if you're looking for true love I can point you toward the romance section of your local bookstore (just don't look for me there). :)

J.T. said...

Raven, I am dating Jane Austen these days. She makes me laugh, she makes me feel comfortable and she's always available. :-P

Dannie, hurry up and find someone and send me some pics that show how cute he is!

Raven said...

Jane Austen is a good choice. I love P&P. Lately I keep meaning to read Northanger Abbey and not doing it.

Rob said...

No need to be tortured over Madrid ... I'm back ... I just need one more post and I'll be back to reality in NYC.

dannie said...

can i just send you pics of me? haha...nvm you only like my jacket anyways.

i'll send you pictures of him whenever i find him :]

J.T. said...

Send me all the pics you want Dannie!! I think you're a cute guy!! Which jacket are you talking about anyway? The one you're making for me? :-P

J.T. said...

Rob, when will our paths cross?

Rob said...

J.T. if I'm not mistaken I think we almost did but I got caught in one of my work "black holes" so I'm probably guilty of lack of follow through :(

If you work around Midtown East we could have coffee or lunch sometime.

J.T. said...

Off with Rob's head!! I work on the other side of Manhattan, so lunch and coffee might not be an option. (I truly hate the crowds where I work at lunch time.) You may have to buy me dinner at Nobu instead. :-)

Do you have my e-mail? You can always contact me through the one listed on this blog.

dannie said...

haha, im not making you a jacket =P i'm making you underwear!!