Monday, October 27, 2008

I'm Voting for Barack McCain

Election Day is some time soon, in the near future, a day that can't arrive soon enough, a dawn that will hit me on the head like a frying pan. Get here for crying out loud already. I am so sick of election coverage, but at the same time I can't do anything to vomit it out of my system. It just stays in my stomach, churning and burning, causing alternate bouts of anger, nausea and bloating. After nearly two years, I can honestly say I don't know much about Barack Obama other than he was born in Hawaii, was raised a Muslim in Indonesia, dropped out of Harvard to join Al Qaeda in Botswana, has three boys, one of whom has Down Syndrome. Let's see... what else do I know? Oh yes, he's black but was married to a white woman who perished in Hurricane Katrina. He is going to raise everyone's taxes by at least 150% and is planning on building a new Presidential retreat in North Korea because the real estate prices there are so cheap. I will not be voting on Election Day anyway because New York's electoral votes automatically go to the Democratic candidate by law.

I really think they should have had a show like Project President, modeled on Project Runway where each week the candidates would have competed in a challenge and we could have seen who they really were. This week's challenge: kill as many people in Pakistan without using a nuclear weapon. Next week? Redecorate the White House with a budget of $100. The final challenge? Fix the economic shit we're in.... NOW!!! The debates told me absolutely nothing about Obama and McCain other than the fact that neither of them could debate effectively.

I am so ready to quit being an American. Let's hope 2009 gives me new hope to be proud of this country again.