Wednesday, December 10, 2008

All I Want for Christmas...

How are we supposed to go about living in such a bankrupt world? Why do I want to join the kids in Greece who are rioting their brains out because the world is such a pile of shit? If anyone is reading this, here's my list of Top 10 Things I Want for Christmas:

1. Someone to burn down the house of Merrill Lynch's CEO John Thain who asked for (and was turned down by the Board) a $10 million bonus for safely leading his company into financial oblivion.

2. Someone to bash in Illinois governor Blagojevich's head, effectively removing his genes from the gene pool of humanity.

3. Someone to buy Jesse Jackson, Jr. a billion clues when it comes to buying Senate seats on the black market from sociopathic Illinois governors, and then bust his ass into prison.

4. Someone to blow up Bank of America's headquarters, specifically the billions of dollars that they got in bailout money that is just sitting in their vaults and not helping Joe Factory Worker.

5. Someone to obliterate Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe and save him the cost of a trip to hell where 99% of his citizens are now living.

6. Someone to banish AIG to a black hole in a galaxy far, far away, but not before forcing it to cough up the $200 billion in loan money it got from the federal government so their top executives could have facials at a California spa.

7. A lawyer in California to befriend that Korean man in San Diego whose wife, mother and two daughters were killed when a US military plane crashed into his house, and get him a billion dollar settlement from the money we'd get back from AIG.

8 and 9. I can do without if I could just have 10!

10. Have the world agree that January 20, 2009 can be tomorrow, the same day that Texas is thrown out of the United States for producing the worst leader in the history of the universe.


Anonymous said...

As per #1 ... it was definitely not a good PR move. Bear in mind he did not mess up Merrill as he was not even a Merrill employee the past few years when it piled up on subprime crap ... Thain was brought in to fix the mess it was in. thain's rationale was that he did give shareholders a "better" outcome vs. Bear and Lehman as Merrill would have become insolvent / gone bankrupt had he not managed to sell it to BofA during that weekend. However, asking for a bonus given the current environment was certainly stupid.

thwany said...

there's too much injustice in the world.