I'm Voting for Barack McCain

Election Day is some time soon, in the near future, a day that can't arrive soon enough, a dawn that will hit me on the head like a frying pan. Get here for crying out loud already. I am so sick of election coverage, but at the same time I can't do anything to vomit it out of my system. It just stays in my stomach, churning and burning, causing alternate bouts of anger, nausea and bloating. After nearly two years, I can honestly say I don't know much about Barack Obama other than he was born in Hawaii, was raised a Muslim in Indonesia, dropped out of Harvard to join Al Qaeda in Botswana, has three boys, one of whom has Down Syndrome. Let's see... what else do I know? Oh yes, he's black but was married to a white woman who perished in Hurricane Katrina. He is going to raise everyone's taxes by at least 150% and is planning on building a new Presidential retreat in North Korea because the real estate prices there are so cheap. I will not be voting on Election Day anyway because New York's electoral votes automatically go to the Democratic candidate by law.

I really think they should have had a show like Project President, modeled on Project Runway where each week the candidates would have competed in a challenge and we could have seen who they really were. This week's challenge: kill as many people in Pakistan without using a nuclear weapon. Next week? Redecorate the White House with a budget of $100. The final challenge? Fix the economic shit we're in.... NOW!!! The debates told me absolutely nothing about Obama and McCain other than the fact that neither of them could debate effectively.

I am so ready to quit being an American. Let's hope 2009 gives me new hope to be proud of this country again.

I DON'T HAVE HIV!!!!! I WAS JUST FAKING IT AS A JOKE!!!

Yeah, I don't have HIV. I was just trying to see if people out there would be sympathetic to me if I said that I did. And it turned out that people were not sympathetic at all. The majority of them turned out to be 100% certified assholes who could give classes in how to become producers of the ugliest shit you have ever seen. What a hilarious experiment this has been!!!! LOL.... For the past five years I have been lying to everyone in the whole world, bringing scorn and shame on myself (especially at the pharmacy last week when they couldn't locate my meds and the girl at the front counter basically SHOUTED out to the store, "Why can't I find this man's HIV meds?" and everyone including the pharmacists was giving me the nastiest looks.) But now I think it's time that I ended this charade because five years of taking medicines that I really don't need in the name of a social experiment was probably a bit excessive. I can now go back to having unsafe sex because HIV is shit that happens to other people, not me!!!! LOL!!! Hey world!!! I WAS JUST KIDDING!!! I DON'T REALLY HAVE HIV! I CAN'T WAIT TO PUBLISH THE RESULTS OF THIS EXPERIMENT ON GAY WEBSITES EVERYWHERE! Boy, people were so naive and gullible. Everyone just believed me when I said I was HIV+!!! LOL!! It will be such a relief to join the world of HIV- people again. I hope the entire HIV- world will thank me for having conducted such a worthwhile experiment--proving that HIV- people are pretty much ignorant, uncaring, evil, vile individuals who all deserve to be shot in the groin, or at least be radio talk show hosts in Minneapolis. (And YES!!!, that is ME in the picture! I am Langdon Perry and I have HIV!!! PSYC!!!)

What Am I Angry At?

When gay people in NYC post an ad on craigslist or chat on gay.com and say they are "just looking for friends" that is the biggest lie in the world. I should know because I tell this lie all the time. What gay people really mean by "just looking for friends" is "I am looking to start out as friends with someone who I think could potentially be a long-term relationship guy." That is the truth. Let's face it, if we were just "looking for friends" that person could be ugly, or fat, or ultra-conservative, or someone who does not speak English that well, or smelly, or hairy or a drug addict. "Looking for friends" means you'd better be attractive, have a good job, be well-educated, have sparkling conversation. The list goes on and on.

I recently met two HIV- guys who said they wanted to be "friends". But looking at the way they dressed up for our first dates, it was obvious that no one wanted to be "just friends". I'm sorry, but no one gets that dressed up for just their "friends". And then of course, I mentioned that I was HIV+ and I never got a phone call from either again. I don't know whether to continue accepting this rejection and being disappointed or going on a rampage of revenge, infecting every HIV- guy out there that I can. I've blogged before about how this virus inside me makes me feel like the Incredible Hulk--it turns me into a different person when I get angry. Very angry. And both of these guys made me feel just that.

Of course, I would never intentionally infect anyone. But I wouldn't be surprised if there were other HIV+ guys out there that would. Anger can unleash itself very unexpectedly sometimes. So, to the HIV- community out there, if you're going to reject us, at least have the courtesy to tell us explicitly instead of not taking our calls and deleting our e-mails. And be caring in your rejection. Say that HIV is something that you cannot come to terms with because it scares the hell out of you. (It's not that scary anymore after living with it for five years.) The point is: keep the communication flowing. It's when people stop talking that fear and ignorance have room to grow, and before you know it, they are larger than life itself. I won't deny that I get angry at myself for having gotten infected in the first place. But I only get this way when provoked.